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I’m tired of writing about you
and I’m tired of crying about you
and I’m tired of staying up all night thinking about you.

I am tired of wondering why you left
and im also tired of wondering what you are doing

mostly because

I know you were tired of me.
but I also know
that you loved me
and I don’t know where to put that,
maybe in the envelope with all the pictures of us
or in my jewelry box with the necklace you gave me
or inside the one sweatshirt I didn’t put in the bag to give back to you

because now I’m throwing myself at other men’s feet
like sure, dinner would be great,
but its only because I need to stop eating with you
I sit down alone and I swear to God
you’re sitting at the table across from me
and even though you aren’t saying anything back
I chatter on and on about how much I miss you
and how empty and dark the days are without your voice

I woke up looking for a text from someone else, and that made me feel empty

I cant stop thinking about the night I wanted to watch the movie Prometheus
and you told me you’d rather not,
it was the scariest film you’d ever seen
well let me tell you, love
this is the scariest thing I have ever seen
this is my living nightmare from the moment my eyelids open to the moment I drop into my light shallow sleep
the bags under my eyes and the knots in my hair are all because you aren’t here beside me
I really wouldn’t prefer to watch this,
especially without you

and god, at night I want to call you so fucking bad
and you always tell me that I should do what I want
and to fuck what anyone else thinks
but I am so tired of hurting you
and making myself look like the pathetic putty that I am in your fingers
you used to tell me you didn’t know if there was a God who cared about us or not
because if He did
how could He be so cruel, how could He care but be so cruel?
and for the first time I understand what you meant
because I am being robbed of the one thing in the world I love the most
and you can’t look at me, you can’t utter a word
and I don’t understand why
because our love was real
I know it was real
yes, it was eating us alive but we could try again, we could
all I know is I need you back
I need you back
I need you back

― "i want you to stay"—m.v.g.
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